I spent the weekend finishing a paper that I’ve spent the past year researching, so you’ll have to forgive me if things are a little fluffy over here for the next few days.
While I am recovering, please check out the hilarious amazon reviews of Bic’s Cristal For Her Pens* I bet you were not aware that, silly ladies, you’ve been using men’s pens all these years. Thank God Bic is here to straighten us out.
Key features of these female-friendly pens include:
- Elegant design – just for her!
- Thin barrel to fit a women’s hand
In response, the internet has accomplished what it does best–mock Bic mercilessly. Here are some of my favorite reviews:
5 Stars: What I’ve Been Waiting For
Originally, I went into the office supply store to grab some preciseV7 pens, but when I saw these, I had to get them. The normal black pen casings are just so hard on the eyes. It was like a breath of fresh air to see lady colored pens. For once, I don’t have to grip a giant, man-sized pen just to sign receipts at Saks. And the ink just hits the paper so smoothly, not at all like the rough, gritty man ink in Bic’s normal pens. My only complaint is that they are a bit finnicky. When I was copying down recipes from my neighbor, it worked just fine, but as soon as I sat down with the bills, nothing. It wouldn’t work! But that’s okay, my woman brain gets all muddled trying to figure out finances anyway.
1-Star: CAREFUL BOYS
If you identify as male do NOT use this product.
The “for her” label is not just a gimmick exploiting archaic gender constructs, it’s a WARNING. Even if you’re a boy who likes pastels and glitter (which really I don’t see why you shouldn’t, what kind of moron thinks that only girls would like that kind of thing? seems kind of backwards to me) this pen is NOT for you. I don’t know why they didn’t put a clearer warning on the label, they really should have because if you are a boy and use this pen you put yourself at great risk. My little brother turned into a unicorn after I lent him one, and my friend told me that a boy in her class grew fairy wings in the middle of a test.
I’m serious, guys, be careful, these really are just “for her”! BIC, please, recall this product until you’ve made the warning more explicit to avoid more tragedy!!!
I urge you to go read the rest of the reviews. And if you are inspired to write your own, please come back and share it with us!
*A big Tea & Strumpets pet peeve (aside from the phrase “pet peeve”) is when things are intentionally spelled wrong but for no apparent reason. What was so wrong with Crystal Pens? What do you seek to gain, Bic, by, replacing that “y” with an “i”?